Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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