i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
