awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
