You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
