so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
