May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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