you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
