put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
