I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
