he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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