weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
