I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
