Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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