Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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