I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
