never play flip cup with pint glasses
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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