Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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