his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
