Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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