apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
