He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
