Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
