I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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