update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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