Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just gargled with NyQuil
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