Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
