Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
