Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't turn off my feet"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
