oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
