Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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