ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
