***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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