Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
