I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
