guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
