Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
