Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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