Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize