I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
