The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Let's get the cat blown out
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
