I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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