Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
