I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
