I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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