I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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