I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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