I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
