I cockslap morals
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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