I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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