Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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