sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
