About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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