The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
