No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
