somebody snuck up and got me drunk
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
