I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
