He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
