What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
