found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
