you have to choose: penises or morals?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize