He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
