rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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