yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
