Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
