So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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