Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
please come you make the beer taste better
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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