alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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