I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize