just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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