Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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