Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
