I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
