What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
