I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I touched a dick in church today
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
