Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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