Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
